Shameless plea for donations :) Please read!

I have this marvelously kind friend named Stacie who rocks my socks. She is a single mother to 3 gorgeous kids, and two of them have autism. Her youngest son, Erik, was just approved for an autism service dog that will be trained to aid him, keep him safe, and be a loving companion to him. The organization, Wilderwood Service Dogs, specializes in training dogs to each specific child, a process that takes a year to complete. Please visit the website at http://autism.wilderwood.org/ to see for yourself all the wonderful things these dogs can do for a child living with autism. Unfortunately, these dogs are extremely expensive, and my friend needs help in paying for this. This is an opportunity that I would hate to see her and her family be denied because of the cost. I'm working on a few fundraising opportunities locally to help her with this cause, but she needs all the help she can get. Here's where I need you. She has opened a paypal account in Erik's name, and I'm pleading with all of you to donate if you can. I know these are hard times for everyone, but if you can donate any amount, it would mean the world to this amazing family. Stacie is a true warrior who dedicates all of her being to caring for her children, and she's the most loving mother and friend anyone who could ask for. I'll be donating any money I earn through my etsy shop, so if anybody would like to get a cute hat or sweater out of the deal, hit me up.

Donations can be made to her paypal account at eriksservicedog1@aol.com.

Thank you

Getting it right....we hope

So here's the story. Several months ago, I felt it was time to get Perrin offially diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome, since we felt it would help him with getting appropriate services for school and possibly medication should he need it. His tics were getting more severe, more frequent, and his OCD was getting out of control. We took him to a neurologist, who diagnosed him on the spot. Of course this was no surprise to us since John and I both have TS. The neurologist asked me a few additional questions about Perrin, and based on the speech and social skills delays, he also said "he's on the autism spectrum." That was it. No testing. No nothing. We accepted it b/c based on our knowledge, it seemed to fit. His behavior was similar to autistic children of my friends, so we didn't really question it. Until Perrin's behavior took a turn for the worse, he began to withdraw socially, and his mood swings became much more dire. Two weeks ago, Perrin had a manic episode that lasted for days (brought on by prozac he was prescribed for OCD) that eventually led him into a depression. We took him off his meds, went to a pscyhiatrist, and he was diagnosed with early onset bipolar disorder. Based on what she saw and heard, she said she doubted the autism diagnosis entirely but wanted to hear what the psychologist said. I scheduled an intake with the psychologist, and based on the information I gave her (prior to meeting Perrin) she said that she, too, did not think he had autism. Today the psychologist evaluated Perrin and said that she saw no evidence that would lead her to believe that he was on the spectrum. That all of his symptoms fit the Tourette Syndrome with bipolar disorder diagnosis, which she wholeheartedly agreed with. We also learned that the teaching staff and social worker at his school have felt he didn't have autism for some time, and they believed he was bipolar for days before we got the diagnosis. I feel pretty confident that we've got it right this time. Does the label matter much to me? Nah, not really. Perrin is still the quirky, special, amazing, and CHALLENGING kid that he's ever been, but I know feel that he is more likely to get the appropriate therapy now. In fact, we are starting behavioral therapy this weekend with a specialist in early onset bipolar disorder. She will help us teach the school how to teach him, how to prevent his aggressions, and understand him a little bit better. So that's where things stand now. All of the pain and chaos we've been through for the past few months finally has a face to it, and with medication and therapy, I'm hopeful Perrin can be a happier, more stable child.

Happy 6th Birthday to my live-in Zen Master

Six years ago at this exact moment, I went into labor with the coolest, funniest, and most incredible human being I've ever known. I won't go into specifics on the labor, cuz nobody wants to hear all that, but I will say that I cherish every second of it all to bring this unique and special child into this world.
When I was pregnant with Perrin, I read this book called "Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" back when I was a more devout Buddhist than I am today. It was refreshing and honest, and there was one part that rings especially true for me today. The author compared children to zen masters in that they are ever evolving, adapting to what is around them. "They are undeniably present. They are constantly learning, developing, changing, and requiring new responses from us. As they grow, they seem to challenge every place that we might be holding an expectation, a fixed opinion, a cherished belief, a desire for things to be a certain way." Children teach us about the world, about ourselves, how to be in each moment without obsessing about what will happen in the next. Perrin has been my greatest and most faithful teacher in this way. He embodies both consistency and unpredictability. He lives in a world apart from ours, and some days I want so desperately for him to spend more time in ours, and on others, I envy him the ability to exist inside himself without thought or care to the chaos that surrounds him. He is beautiful and strange and has many gifts to give the world. I can't wait to see what he does next.

Just the knitting

This post contains no mention of anything that doesn't involve yarn and needles and sweatery goodness.

The Montera Heather Tuck Bodice or some such nonsensically named sweater has been completed. The sewing was every bit the pain in the ass that I suspected it would be. In the 4 years I've been knitting, this was only the 2nd sweater I've attempted to knit in pieces and sew together. I'm a huge fan of the top-down sweater knitting in one piece b/c I am not gifted in the art of sewing. The following picture may make it appear that I have, indeed, successfully constructed a nifty little cardigan, when in fact, the inside looks fairly jacked up from my ineptitute. However, it looks pretty decent from the outside, and honestly, who in the universe would ever flip it wrong side out and inspect the seams? Only another knitter, and I tend to avoid letting those peeps look too closely at my construction.
So, here are the deets.
Pattern: Montera Heathered Tuck Bodice Cardigan from Classic Elite #9105 Saturday Afternoon Booklet.
Needle Size: US 8
Yarn: Naturally Caron Country. It's a lovely charcoal merino/acrylic blend. Pretty damn soft and fairly decent to knit with; a bit splitty at times, but nice to work with.
Honestly, that's all I'm going to talk about in this post. No talk of any neurological unpleasantness at all :) Just my obsessive knitting addiction.

The uphill battle worth fighting

I posted recently on the difficult, often painful journey through autism that we are taking. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of the climb, it's hard to see the destination. The peak. We can only see what's directly beneath our feet, and each step seems more daunting than the last. It's easy to forget the reward at the top - the breathtaking view. And now that I've hammered this metaphor to death, I'll move on to my point.
I'm honestly starting to believe that the end of this journey can be joy. That, along with a wonderful team of therapists, teachers, and of course me and John, Perrin has a true chance of greatness. That all of my hopes and dreams for him may actually come to pass. I will never give up. Never back down. Never forget that with every day that passes, Perrin learns a little more, talks a little more. I am starting to see the traits that seen in a 5 yr old are frustrating and exhausting can actually be strengths for him as an adult. He's bright and tenacious and knows what he wants in this life. I wish I was a little more like that actually. So I suppose what I'm saying is that (returning to my little metaphor) I am at a point right now where I can look up and see the beauty that is around me while I continue the climb.

Knitting and Life

So, most of my life these days has revolved around autism. Since the Christmas break, Perrin's behavior has been very erratic and sometimes very aggressive. He simply cannot cope with a huge change in his daily routine, and the 2 weeks he was at home with me, though very fun and pleasant, really threw him off, and he's still recovering. However, in the process of getting him back on track, we're dealing with a lot of unpleasantness. Autism is a thief that steals from my child. It takes his joy, his feeling of safety, his progress and leaves behind a child who doesn't yet have the language capability to express his frustrations, his anger. It's heartbreaking to watch your child struggle, to constantly be on the outside, never quite understanding how to play with his friends. My family lives in a bubble, and Perrin seems content most of the time to exist inside that bubble, never leaving the safety and comfort of his home, but the longer we stay inside, the harder it is to leave. I've returned to a sort of hermit-like existence, and I myself am slowly losing my ability to interact with my friends. It's almost easier to not even try to be a part of the world that doesn't understand what our life is like. I know my friends and family care and love us, but with a few extraordinary exceptions, they will never get it. I see the pity and confusion on their faces. I've been told "He'll grow out of it." I haven't yet lost hope that one day Perrin may live what we might consider a "normal" life, but I'm not delusional enough to think that one day he will suddenly wake up and no longer be autistic. I have the same hopes for Perrin that all mothers have of their children. I want him to be happy, fall in love, have a career. But right now I'd be happy with him writing his name, eating with a fork, having a conversation. Things I wish I could take for granted. Perrin is hilarious, affectionate, and has a great personality. He is my whole world. I have to force myself to not make autism my whole world. It is a daily battle.

Now that the bummer portion is over, I am still a knitter. And this is a knitting blog, so now for some yarny goodness. My current project is a lovely cardigan for myself.

I've got the entire body knitted up, currently working on the 1st sleeve. It's been going rather quickly, as the yarn (NaturallyCaron Country in a gorgeous charcoal gray) just flies off the needles. It's a luscious merino blend that is uber soft and should be very warm and toasty. It'll likely take me days to sew up all the pieces, b/c I suck at sewing, but I'm excited about getting it completed. That's all I'm working on right now

Best of 2009 - Music Edition

Let's begin with the greatest rock band of all time. Think I'm exaggerating? Then you've obviously never experienced Muse. I discovered Muse 10 years ago when John and I were dating in San Marcos. A little song called "Muscle Museum" was played mostly just on the college radio station, and I fell in love. Their music is epic; a little bit Queen, a little bit Depeche Mode, a whole lot of awesome. So my pick for the best album of 2009 is Muse's "The Resistance." From start to finish, the listener is in their world, a dystopia of Orwellian fascism and revolution. And apparently, teddy bears.


And in no particular order b/c it's impossible, the rest of the best.

Florence and the Machine. What's not to love? Kickass redhead. Check. Voice so powerful it could drive you to tears. Check. Lyrics so beautiful it makes it hard to breathe. Check. Her album, "Lungs" is one of those albums you put on repeat on a bad day, a good day, during sex, during a fight. You get the point. I've said "Cosmic Love" is probably the most painfully beautiful songs I've ever heard, and I stand by that statement. Judge for yourself.


Bat for Lashes. If you, like me, like science fantasy books, love "Lord of the Rings" and just in general wish magic was real and sometimes want to escape into a fairy tale, then "Two Suns" is the album for you. Ethereal, whimsical, enchanting, haunting, this is an album about lost love, a love torn apart by distance and is split between Natasha and her alter ego, Pearl. It sounds a little weird, but it worked for me and other whimsical fairy-tale loving geeks like me. My favorite - "Glass." It's just very sexy and striking.



Gossip. "Men in Love" No list of the best of anything would be complete without my darling Beth Ditto. In my richest fantasies I could never be as badass as Beth. Watching her sing live was one of the highlights of my year. Her voice has a lioness power to it, and listening to this album makes me miss my old club kid days where I could drink and dance until 4am, go to work, and then repeat as needed. Best songs are "Heavy Cross," "Vertical Rhythm," and "2012." If you like a good bassline, glitter, glam, and excess in every way, please do enjoy.


There are a lot of decent honorable mentions that are still far superior to most of the crap out there.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs "It's Blitz" It's good, not great. They're still one of my favorite bands, and I'm tickled pink by Karen O's adorable "Where the Wild Things Are" soundtrack, but this album was kind of a disappointment. Again, still better than most. "Runaway" "Heads Will Roll" "Zero" - all highly recommended.
Tori Amos "Abnormally Addicted To Sin" Hate to say this, but again, not great. There are some gorgeous tracks here like "Give" and "Ophelia" but for the most part, it's just okay. She hasn't been able to touch "Scarlet's Walk" and likely never will. She's still a goddess and should be worshipped accordingly
Imogen Heap "Ellipse" I was really looking forward to this one b/c her last album was breathtaking, but this one I just haven't been able to get into as much.

Next year is looking to be great in music. Interpol and Sia both have albums coming out in the next few months, and I hear rumor of a Maynard James Keenan project - probably Puscifer.

30 Day Shred progress

I started Jillian Michaels 30 Day shred on Thur, so today I'll be doing day 3 of Level 1. I'm going to track my daily progress here to urge myself on.

Day 1 - I pushed through the entire workout without any breaks, but I was ready to die by the end of it. Was massively sore in the thighs and ass the entire day.

Day 2 - I really didn't want to do it b/c I was still really sore and hobbling up and down my stairs, but with John's motivation (Do it!) I muddled through it taking only a couple of 5 sec breaks to catch my breath. Took a long hot soak with epsom salts and crashed.

Today I'll be doing Day 3 even though I'm still really sore.

My goal is 10 lbs or at least a few inches off my waistline for Kelly's wedding on July 29 in Vegas. No more muffin top!!!!

I am knitting but with all my stress and my obsession with a new vampire novel series, I have been slacking a bit on that. I never really knit much in the summer anyway. Slowly and only when I really feel like it.

Don't go in if you are abnormally attracted to sin

Ah, the fabulousness of the great Tori Amos. While I'm not going to get into a full review of her latest album, "Abnormally Attracted to Sin," I will say it's the best she's released since the masterpiece that was "Scarlet's Walk." That one simply cannot be beat. I've been one of those insanely loyal Tori fans since 1996, when I was a moderately melancholy high school senior desperately trying to find myself amidst the fiercely conservative small town in which I was raised. Tori helped me immensely, and for that, she can do no wrong. Well, okay, "The Beekeeper" was slightly wrong, but I can forgive her for that. :)

In knitting, I've mostly finished Morgan's dress - just sewing on buttons left to do. I'm being rather lazy about it too, since it'll likely not fit her for several months.
What I've really been working on in my little Tucker factory are my own designs for my little slice of the etsy pie. I have in my mind all these really cute and maybe slightly left of center design ideas for kids, and I've been sketching and devouring awesome cables and embroidery options. I just received some business cards that I designed myself that will mostly be for my friends and family to hand out to peeps. Also, it really helps for mom networking to have something with your contact info already on it so you're not digging around your purse trying to find a pen.
So, here's a little sampling. The background is from an actualy celtic cable I knitted.


So, right now I'm in the beginning stages of being a designer. For my shop, I'm going to have ready to wear pieces, but also have the option of ordering something custom. And eventually, I'll work towards writing out patterns. It's a start.

In the springtime of his voodoo

Spring has finally sprung in Chicagoland. I'm giddier than a school girl. I've been communing with nature in hidden places in the wilderness, soaking in the beauty of the green under canopies of trees. Oh, and I've been getting craftier than I have in a long time.
Here's a peek


This is a little cardi I'm knitting for one of my dearest friend's baby, who is due this summer. Boheme by Allegra Wermuth. It's a free ravelry download, super cute.

Next, I've been experimenting with headbands. I had these elastic headbands sitting around, and I thought it'd be cute to glue some flowers on. See, I've got mega spring fever, and my obsession with flowers has taken on a life of its own.



I plan on making some more with smaller ponytail holders, barrettes, and different styles of headbands. Now that my hair is longish, I've been learning how to style it since I've had a pixie cut for the better part of 3 years. So...more to come.

Feb Lady Sweater Part 2 is complete. She's actually been finished for a week, but I've been super lazy about pretty much everything.
Mods are really simple - short sleeves obviously, and 4 buttons instead of 3.
This is probably my favorite style of sweater ever b/c it really hides the muffin top that I've been growing for the last year. I'm furiously trying to get rid of it b/c I have to wear yet another bridesmaid dress in August. And by furiously, I mean really half-assed, which consists of going for fast paced walks or riding the elliptical 3 or 4 days a week but still eating burritos at Chipotle on Friday night with the boys. Life is too short for no burritos, damnit!

You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have the facts of life

Things haven't been so blissful in the Tucker realm lately. And it's all this shit in my head swirling around, that inner critic that insults my every move, the daily frustrations of being a stay at home mom, and the 5 month long winter that may be finally coming to a close. I realize logically just how lucky I am; I have a supportive husband who has a great job in this terrible economy, I have a lovely home that I'm having fun slowly decorating and personalizing, and I have a great kid who warms my heart and puts a smile on my face with his quirkiness and flair. So I won't begin to bitch and moan about the little things that add up to take me out of the grateful comfort of this quiet life and make me want to claw my way out of what can, at times, be slightly less than fulfilling. Instead, I will just say that I am working on silencing the negativity and breeding some more creativity. With that, here are a couple of progress shots from the 2 knitting projects I've got going.

Kelso Lace Cardigan

I had intended to rush through this for my trip to TX, which was 2 weeks ago, but I got a little frustrated with the raglan decreases within the lace repeats, so it's on brief hiatus while I finish up my 2nd February Lady Sweater

February Lady

I wear the warmer version all the time, so I wanted to create one that I can wear in the spring and part of the summer. Short sleeves, which I have bound off already but may pick up and lengthen just a little b/c they flare out strangely right now. Shorter body, maybe 1 or 2 fewer repeats.

Both sweaters are made with Cotton Ease, which is quite possibly my favorite yarn to knit with.

So, more of life as usual.

The Good, The Bad, The Evs

I finished the big cables sweater a couple of weeks ago. It turned out beautifully and horribly gigantic on me. I don't know what happened there b/c I knit a 37" bust, which is 3" smaller than I am. Oh well. It'll be frogged for next winter. I'm done with wool for the next several monthsThis is my newest project. The Kelso Lace Cardigan by Suzanne Frary I downloaded from Ravelry.

It's knit in one piece from the bottom up, which I've never done before, so it's interesting. I'm using some light grey Cotton Ease, which was on super sale at Michael's last week, so I stocked up for the spring. I got some light pink as well for a possible 2nd February Lady Sweater with shorter sleeves.
I also finished Entwined from Knitty for my friend Emily. I used LB Homespun in a gorgeous color called Painted Desert, which actually reminded me of sunsets in Phoenix when I was a kid. She loves it.



In actual life news, the last few months have been extremely stressful. We're trying to figure out where Perrin will attend kindergarten next year. He's doing really well in the small, contained classrooms that are solely special needs children b/c he gets the one-on-one attention he needs to learn. Our options seem to be to throw him into a classroom with 30 students and hope he's not distracted enough to have a hard time focusing. The school doesn't have adequate sensory supports, and if he's disruptive, they don't really have much in the way of help for him. The other alternative is to put him in a school that has a class that is much more restrictive; it's solely special needs kids with behavioral problems. This year there are 4 kids in that class, and the ages range from 6 to 10. Perrin would likely be the only kindergartener in this class, which raises the issue of adequate socialization. But it is the better of the two options, so it looks like this is what we'll have to choose. For such an "affluent" community, there don't seem to be a lot of options here for children with disabilities, and that's incredibly frustrating. He's back in private occupational therapy twice a week, and we're going to get him started with therapeutic listening, which is supposed to be very helpful for kids with attention problems. This has been a very emotional roller coaster, and we're always trying to do what's best for Perrin, but it's very hard to know what that is at this point. I guess we just make a decision and hope for the best.

Bow down before my face

Found this great website, via Friendly Atheist, where you can create your own miraculous image on a pancake. I fully expect to be worshipped now.

http://www.glassgiant.com/miracles/

Best YouTube videos I've seen this week

Seriously, I've watched these a gazillion times, and I laugh my ass off EVERY time!

The search is over. Love of cables continues

After days of agonizing scrutiny of every pattern under the sun, I found exactly what I was looking for. Something with the ease of February Lady but with interesting cables. The original plan is to knit this in the round as a pullover, steek it, and knit on some buttonholes to make a kicky cardigan. I love working with the Wool of the Andes; it's just the right sproinginess, and it's just flying. This is the funnest project I've had since the Bubble Pullover which ended up being a bit of a frumpy pink mess.

Proof I AM knitting

Pattern: Petal by Stefanie Japel
Yarn: 3 1/2 skeins Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece in Emporer's Robe
Needles: US 6 for body, 5 for edging
This baby took forever b/c of endless stockinette stitch and the eternal edging, but I really like how this turned out.
I found some darling buttons with cutesy faces on them, but I can't seem to get a decent closeup shot of those.
I am now off to the library to spend hours rummaging through pattern books to find the perfect sweater for some Knitpicks Wool of the Andes I just bought.

If you like fabulousness

Do yourself a favor and watch this amazing performance from this weekend's SNL. The band is "Fleet Foxes," and they blew me and John away. Rocked my socks! Reaffirmed my belief that we are in a magical time in music. Every member of this band sings in perfect harmony with one another, and it is sublime. You have no idea.

Thank you, Mr. President, for including me.

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers.”

I nearly wept at hearing myself, and many wonderful fellow non-believers, included in Barack Obama's inaugural address. Most of the time, we feel overlooked and deemed less than American (for example, George Bush saying that we were "unpatriotic" b/c of our beliefs..or lack thereof I should say). I can't fully express how it warmed my cockles to hear him add us onto the list of all of those who shape this nation. We are your friends, your coworkers, your sisters and brothers. We are the same as anyone else and deserve recognition as Americans, and it's about damn time someone had the courage to say it. Thank you, Mr. President, for adding those simple words that will bring a sense of comfort for many atheists, agnostics, and humanists of this country.

A new edition to the blog

Up to now, this blog has been mostly fluffy knitting stuff and the occasional cutesy kid story. And with all likelihood, the only people that ever read it are my blood relatives. Hi Mom :)
And while creating a new blog to delve into deeper subjects would probably be more appropriate, I'm super lazy, and it's just easier to dump everything into one blog. So from now on, all kinds of crap will be on here. From book, TV, and movie reviews, to my views on religion, morality, politics, and feminism. I'm a fairly well-rounded individual, and I believe that I'm quite capable of mingling my thought-cicles (more 30 Rock ridiculousness) along with the pictures of fluffy sweaters.

So, just to top things off, here's my current favorite quote, via feministing.com from the incomparable Rev Al Sharpton.

"There is something immoral and sick about using all of that power to not end brutality and poverty, but to break into people's bedrooms and claim that God sent you. It amazes me," he said, "when I looked at California and saw churches that had nothing to say about police brutality, nothing to say when a young black boy was shot while he was wearing police handcuffs, nothing to say when they overturned affirmative action, nothing to say when people were being [relegated] into poverty, yet they were organizing and mobilizing to stop consenting adults from choosing their life partners."

I could not agree more.